Here’s the scene: It’s New Year’s Eve. Or any “time to drink” event really… You’re trying to pretend you’re classy by drinking wine, but the guy who was supposed to bring a corkscrew made the mistake of eating at Taco Bell earlier that day, and he’s stuck in a bathroom somewhere.

Or maybe you’re on a plane, where corkscrews aren’t allowed, although a bit breakable glass bottle that could furnish dozens of useful weapons is just fine as long as you buy it at duty-free.

Either way, you’re thirsty, sober, and need to resolve both of those problems. You take stock of what you have: Wine. Clothes. Glasses. Angry people to please. What do you do?

I don’t drink, but I also don’t drive so I’m useless as a designated dork. Oh well. Have fun, stay safe, and if you do drive drunk, try to not kill anyone else when you kill yourself ‘eh?

(Thanks to Carlos Miller for pointing this out)