Here’s the scene: It’s New Year’s Eve. Or any “time to drink” event really… You’re trying to pretend you’re classy by drinking wine, but the guy who was supposed to bring a corkscrew made the mistake of eating at Taco Bell earlier that day, and he’s stuck in a bathroom somewhere.

Or maybe you’re on a plane, where corkscrews aren’t allowed, although a bit breakable glass bottle that could furnish dozens of useful weapons is just fine as long as you buy it at duty-free.

Either way, you’re thirsty, sober, and need to resolve both of those problems. You take stock of what you have: Wine. Clothes. Glasses. Angry people to please. What do you do?

I don’t drink, but I also don’t drive so I’m useless as a designated dork. Oh well. Have fun, stay safe, and if you do drive drunk, try to not kill anyone else when you kill yourself ‘eh?

(Thanks to Carlos Miller for pointing this out)

Who knows if this is real or not, but either way, it’s a beautiful story…

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after two days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn’t realize that it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of the many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn’t take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard

(Shamelessly stolen from wtfcalls.net)